I wouldn't drop the restraining order and I would keep any evidence you have such as text messages to support your claim. If everyone is using the same wording them they have all gotten together and talked and come up with what to say to you. Family members will support each other even if their child is in the wrong. They may fear that they won't get to see the grandchildren if you are successful in maintaining a restraining order. You are feeling this much stress right now and you have an order of protection. How much more will you experience if you don't keep it? You said he was verbally abusive. Do you really think that is going to stop? He is talking a lot about people being on his side. Really? If CPS really belived him you would know it. You would also know that they planned on attending the divorce proceedings and the order for the restraining order on his behalf. If they haven't told you of their plan to do this then he is just talking smack to get sympathy. Unfortunately, when two people divorce many untruths are said and the idea is to make each other look as bad as possible. Make sure you keep whatever proof you have of what his income streams have been historically, any extra money, any expenses as well as the proof that he is verbally abusive. You would be a fool to drop the restraining order. I bet you also don't realize that if there have been any costs incurred by him for the restraining order and you now drop it you would be responsible for them. The court would look at it as a frivolous item and they would force you to pay an costs such as attorney's fees. Don't be a fool. You had the strength to leave him have the strength to do what is best for your children and protect them. They should be the reason you are doing all of this. You are there Mother, their protector, don't you dare drop your guard or go for what you think is the easy way because often it turns out to be a huge mistake and then it is too late. If you drop the restraining order and things get worse no one will believe you. I certainly feel for you and wish you the best.

If his "excuse" for being uncivil is a restraining order, then lifting it will not make him any more civil, because he is full of excremental matter. Further, by lifting it he will think he has "won" and only become more impossible, not less.

I am sorry that this man continues to manipulate from afar, but I am afraid it will not get any better by taking the action you contemplate.

Have you been able to see if legal aid can help you and have you found an advocate with a woman's group nearby? I mean to say that you need an ally with this continuing saga.

Best wishes to you and thank you for your question.

Hi Guys, thanks for the responses. FloridaGal, the part about how I would know it if CPS was really on his side does make me feel a bit better. I have to admit that after our last court date, I was a bit scared that they are all working for him rather than protecting the kids. The GAL awarded 12 hours of visitation a week to my ex without even meeting him. This was all based on some photos the GAL had been sent by my ex's lawyer that supposedly showed what a great dad he was. Had I known that, I would have brought the email my friend sent a few months ago about how it bothers her that he only helps with the baby when cameras or his parents are around. She mentioned how every time she stops by, he always refuses to care for the baby and is usually watching TV or sleeping. I'm guessing I should bring that email to court this week.

Peanut, I had a free lawyer through legal aid, but he wasn't helpful at all. He was a great guy - very kind and sweet - but didn't fight for me or my kids at all. He literally just sat there and said "there's nothing we can do" when the GAL proposed the supervised custody agreement. After meeting with a new lawyer, I learned that I didn't have to sign the forms and that my lawyer should have challenged the fact that the GAL was basing his decision on a few photos without ever meeting the guy. Keep in mind that I WANTED supervised visits and don't believe in keeping kids away from their dad (which is probably what got me into this mess in the first place, staying with a jerk for so long), I just think the GAL should have at least talked to him for a few minutes.

Okay, but do you have an ALLY, someone who provides you emotional and practical support during these trying times?

I am sorry about your legal aid experience. Law degrees can be as worthless as MBAs...:-)

If you remove the order, "he WINS", he and his friends, family & allies will get what they want. He will "taunt" that they won. I "was" abused physically, and was in the hospital for a week with a broken arm. I had to have wires put in to hold my elbow in place (they're still there). I had to drive myself and 8 yr old daughter to the hospital. That night I pressed charges of "abuse", the police came to the hospital & took pictures of me then went to the house to find him asleep on the couch like nothing happened. They arrested him that night on a battery charge. I never saw him after that, but I asked the judge that he go to anger management classes, because he was abusive. The order was granted, he had to pay the court fees and pay for the class, but he realized from then on he would have a 'record' of abuse. The police told him he got off easy, next time "if there was a next time' he wouldn't be so lucky. He realized he did have a problem, but he didn't want to go back to jail. We never had kids thank God, but I was so glad to have him out of my life. Don't drop the order, go to the police and show them the proof of the threats, he is an abuser, and if you let him get away with it, he will do it again. And the next one may not be so lucky, he may just 'snap'. I don't take abuse lightly, if someone was to threaten my child the way he's threatening you, Smith & Wesson would be invited to the party. You deserve "better" but don't let him think he got away with it, or he'll win.

Peanut - LOL at the comment about law degrees. And no, I guess not. I found a counselor I really like (after calling a ton of them to find out who takes my insurance and specializes in this kind of stuff), but he doesn't have any openings until the end of this month. I have called a few hotlines and talked to somebody, but that was just a temporary fix. I joined an online support group, but it's pretty dead and there's nobody to talk to. I have an appointment with the pastor of my church to talk about this stuff soon, but that's also not a longterm solution. Not many friends or family members know the details because I'm depressed and embarrassed about the situation - and I have also found that talking to them stresses me out more (for example, one family member who I tried to talk to is convinced my house is bugged and my ex is watching my every move for court...yeah, he's crazy, but not that crazy).

So yeah, I agree that I do need an ally. I will have to keep trying to find one that works well with my schedule. I have a list of Women's Groups bookmarked in my browser, so maybe I'll go through and call them all this week.

Keira, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. My ex works in a school and my friend overheard him saying that he's terrified people will find out. That's part of why he's trying so hard to lie and get out of this - he can lose his job over this. Which is something that some people have tried to make me feel guilty about. It sucks, though, because he's a smooth talker and very good at manipulating people. When we first got together, people seriously thought I had the world's best partner and father. As time when on, he selectively chose who he put on a show for - meaning he would act like father of the year when the babysitter was here but a total deadbeat jerk when my best friend stopped by. Until then, I didn't realize he could control his behavior.

Hopefully you will find an experienced and empathetic advocate and ally, soon, to help you through all of this stress.

Thanks, Peanut. I was able to talk to my lawyer today, so that helped me calm down a little. I just wanted to say that most of the people on Webanswers are very kind and helpful. I posted about this on another forum, and the responses I received were absolutely terrible. You guys have really helped me through a rough time, and I appreciate it. In a few months, when this is all over and done with, expect to see lots of boring questions about kids and cooking from me. :)

You are very welcome.

Do you have a special chili recipe?

Absolutely not, Missy Miss. The moment you drop that order, he will be over at your house and threatening you again. He's shown his true colors and demonstrated far too often that he can't be trusted. Don't let him sweet-talk you into thinking he has changed, or he'll be smashing your face in again.

I talked to my lawyer, and I have decided to drop it IF he voluntarily agrees to certain things in writing. For example, he cannot enter my apartment without my consent or go to my daughter's school (she is not his child). He can contact me, but only about the children. He can still have visits until the custody hearing, but they will continue to be supervised. It's basically like a restraining order that isn't on his record. Not sure if I mentioned this here before, but he violated the restraining order multiple times. When I called the police, they did absolutely nothing. I've been told the judge won't be too happy about the violations if I mention them, but the police seem like they could care less. I mention that because I feel like they won't protect me whether I have one or not. This whole situation has left me feeling frustrated, hopeless, and mentally exhausted. No more relationships for me.

And Peanut, I do not have a special chili recipe. Know any good ones?